A few years agoI discovered the ERG theory. This simple theory resonated in a fun way.
I developed a mind-map to process past, unresolved, repressed memories and negative thoughts.
so that I am not handicapped by my past.
As an artist and visualizer, first, I decided to split my self into three distinct personalities and gave chaos free rein to think, ponder and muddle through the cobwebs. I gave control a break and stopped punishing myself for my own thoughts. I gave growth permission to question the who, what, where, when, why and how of my negative memories and reactions of same.
I also discovered synergetic marketing. Synergy in marketing happens when two marketing strategies combine to achieve a greater sales impact. Multiple strategies targets various parts of the brain using psychology, color, scent, hearing, and a truck load more of tools that manipulate thinking and responses to make the unwary human dodo a veritable sitting duck.
Marketers, psychologists, politicians, advertisers and pretty much anyone with a cause or purpose use synergy to sell AND specifically play #1 and #2 against each other to wreak internal Chaos and indecision.
Why? Because when fear is strong it's curtains for Control and kitchen sink time for Chaos. Open your wallets and let the guilty, fear-filled thoughts flow. The message becomes you are inadequate to deal with you.
The good thing about Control and Chaos is they are completely powerless without growth. All these two entities can do is manipulate your thoughts and actions through guilt, fear, reward, punishment like little devil and angels on your shoulders.
Chaos (relatedness) sends good, bad or ugly thoughts and memories to convince the survival instinct to control the situation. If that means continued repression of a bad memory and avoidance of growth, so be itâ€¦and meanwhile we become fatter, poorer and anxious worrywarts over heartbreaks of psoriasis, depression, itchy feet, or what other people really think about us, and so on.
All is lost if I don't buy into the Us against Them thinking:
Survival and Relatedness play off each other due to well established stereotypes and paradigms, because it is through learning, experience we have developed our preferred knee-jerk responses and have survived thus far. Why change?
This is me:
This is my plan:
1. Growth: My little girl always learning always questioning the conflicts between existence and relatedness.
2 - Existence: Control / Survival. This entity is my inner policewoman. She doesn't let anything get past her watch. Can't say yes.
3. Relatedness: Chaos. My vivid imagination, can't say â€œnoâ€ is open to anything, good, bad or ugly including manipulation of growth.
4. Self: The whole package. This is where I put my big girl panties on and accept responsibility to resolve my own conflicts.
Together these entities bond to form my self or what I call my Inner Joker.
Growth is the entity which gives permission for the self to act, to move arms and legs or pull wallets out of pockets and purses.
With Growth in charge I now decide which memories to process when, why and how.
Follow the blue arrows.
Now I decide which thoughts to process, to weigh on the scale of worthiness or worthlessness. I search whether the thought or memory is fact, fiction or speculation.
If a conflict happens, the message gets shelved for later consideration in due time.
Resolved conflicts get memory upgrades and filed for later upgrades.
Then I take out the garbage and refrag the memories.
For bad, useless memories I mentally perp-walk them to one of 2 forbidden zones from whence there is no return.
Golden Palace where I place every bad memory of lost loved ones who deserve forgiveness and TLC - my deceased parents, pets I've lost due to my own negligence, family, friends whom I continue to love whether they want it or not, all go here.
Black hole. Bothersome resolved or unresolved memories that serve no purpose but to annoy get walked to the black hole.
This process works so well, I honestly can't remember many of my old bugaboos any more.
I eve went so far as to visualize a thick, heavy one way door with a Price-Is-Right style spinning vault handle so that once in there is no possible escape.
Lastly if I am feeling particularly vulnerable, sad, picked on or uncared for, I visualize myself as young as I possibly can to infancy cradled in the arms to two perfect parents and I languish in the thought and feeling until till I realize I am loved and wanted, then I take a first step back to now.
All this because I joined Toastmasters which gave me the courage to begin to face my fears and why I recommend.